Post Tagged with: "Hot Tips"

How to Keep Sex from Being a Chore?

Q:
The hubby and I are trying to get pregnant. How do we keep sex from being a chore?

A:
I’ve found that it’s more fun to have sex and try to avoid pregnancy, but hey, it’s your life! (Kidding.)

I’m sure you have your ovulation days all marked down on your calendar or whatever you girls do, so that should help. I suggest you plan dates or special evenings around the days when you’re going to be most fertile. Basically, do the opposite of what I do!

Try mixing up positions and have sex in unusual places and indulge in what ever fantasies you’ve never tried. It’s possible that these are your last months with this kind of freedom and flexibility. Two things to remember as you try to keep sex from being a chore: (1) Once the baby comes, your ability to have sex whenever you want will be drastically reduced, as babies are king and demand a lot of work. Live it up now! (2) Keep in mind that the two of you are about to embark on an adventure for the rest of your lives with a new child who is the result of your love and partnership. Surely, there’s some magic in that.

Does More Sex on a Regular Basis Lead to Healthier Lives?

Q:
Do people who have sex on a regular basis live healthier lives than those who are celibate?

A:
Not necessarily, but they are way happier when they die.

Addicted to a Wrong Love

Q:
I had a bad childhood, with a lot of abuse on every level: verbal, emotional, sexual, a lot of violence and chaos, and no intimacy from either parent. I was neglected and had to care for myself as far back as I can remember. I’m 36 now and wondering why, when someone is totally into me, I get irritated, tear them apart, and find a reason to dump them. When it’s over, I want the pain. I crave the man who is not interested; if he hates me, it’s like grounds for marriage. It’s painful, and I’m not sure I will ever be able to receive love. I’ve tried Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and therapy. What do you think?

A:
You kind of answered your own question. Your “teachers” were clearly ill equipped to provide you with healthy relationship skills and tools for achieving true intimacy. Chaos is familiar to you, and when you find yourself in the absence of it, you become uncomfortable, like a fish out of water, gasping for oxygenated replenishment. Your solution is to re-create what you are skilled at: handling the pain and anguish of your childhood. You dump the man, creating the longing for the love that you wanted all along from your parents. This is fairly common, and you are certainly not alone. (Trust me, I know. I’m usually only attracted to women like you!) It’s time to take your life back and break free of the familial grip. This isn’t easy, as you will be required to step into areas of discomfort and tread water for a while without having a knee-jerk reaction. Just watch your thoughts and feelings as they go by, but do not respond to them. Your mind will want to trick you into running away, but stay the course. Recognition of this type of syndrome is the only first step. It’s a long road ahead, but with therapy and self-help groups, the cycle can be broken.

How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Like Anal Sex?

Q:
How do I let my current boyfriend know that I like anal sex without freaking him out, or making him think I’m a weirdo?

A:
Eeewww! What the fuck is the matter with you?… Just kidding!

Although I don’t care for the idea myself, I don’t think it’s weird at all. But if you think he may have an adverse reaction, don’t approach the subject during sex. That could open up a can of worms that can’t be closed, and at a very awkward time. Bring it up in a conversation and suggest the idea as experimentation and something new and fun for the two of you. There’s no need to bask in stories of how much you’ve enjoyed it in the past with other lovers. That could be off-putting to any man. The issue here isn’t the subject of anal. You realize that, don’t you? The issue is, you’re worried that who you are and what you want will be looked upon as weird or freakish. These types of things should be totally safe to talk about and are acceptable subjects between intimate lovers. You may want to think about that.

How Do I Stop Masturbating to Pictures of You?

Q:
I’ve been masturbating to pictures of you for about 20 years. How do I make myself stop?

A:
I’m afraid there is no known cure at this time. You don’t have to feel alone though. My therapist struggles with the very same disorder.

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