Post Tagged with: "Dr. Victoria Zdrok"

Orgasm Sleuth

“Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is—and should be—good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed.
By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.

How can I tell if a girl is faking her orgasms? Is there some telltale sign that I can look for that will let me know if I’m the only one having a good time?

The Downs side: The pelvic muscles may rhythmically contract when a woman has an orgasm. That would feel like her vagina clenching down on your penis. Or if you’re looking at her crotch, her vulva, perineum, and anus might appear to pulsate.

Not all orgasms are the same, however. Women also have perfectly real orgasms that aren’t of the explosive, throbbing variety, and that don’t produce obvious signs. Some women describe orgasms that are like a nice tingle, or not so much a physical sensation as a feeling of sublime well-being. Some have only one kind of orgasm. Others experience various kinds.

That’s the answer to your question. Now I have to correct your attitude toward her orgasms, or lack thereof. She can have a “good time” without having an orgasm. Yes. Believe it.

Not all women have orgasms during sex or have an orgasm every time, and yet they very much enjoy sex. Don’t focus on giving her orgasms. She’ll either have them or she won’t. And if she is faking, it’s probably because she thinks you need her to have one so that you’ll think the sex is good.

Instead of playing orgasm detective, give her the chance to tell or show you what she’s into, and what feels good to her. Then you can feel secure in the knowledge that she’s having a good time with you, orgasm or no orgasm.

The Pet doctor: In a nutshell, you simply can’t tell. We women are very, very good at faking, having perfected the art over centuries of being screwed by lazy, selfish, Neanderthal-like lovers, so now it’s firmly entrenched in our collective unconscious.

Of course, some women are better actresses than others. Most women fake it by screaming, moaning, or groaning—even though the volume of their vocalizations has little or nothing to do with whether they come. In fact, my most powerful orgasms leave me breathless and silent. I usually just pant afterward to catch my breath. (more…)

The Setup

Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is—and should be—good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed.
By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.

My girlfriend of six months has a really hot BFF, and my girlfriend has told me on several occasions that she wouldn’t mind if I wanted to hook up with her friend. My inner voice tells me she wouldn’t mind in theory, but if I really did go ahead and fuck her friend she’d probably get really pissed off and dump me, so I haven’t. Could she be setting me up?

The Pet doctor: Whether or not she is intentionally setting you up, chances are if you take her up on her offer and actually screw her girlfriend, she will treat it as treason. She is probably just testing you to see if you have eyes for other women and if you can resist temptation and remain faithful to her. And even if the thought of it turns her on, the reality of you actually doing it will be a major turnoff to her.

As you suspect, her theory might be that she wouldn’t mind, but she really doesn’t know in advance how she will feel when she finds out you actually dipped your cock in her best friend’s pussy. She also might be ignoring the potential for a backstabbing or a jealous move by her girlfriend, who might attempt to break you up. No matter how tempting you might find this forbidden fruit, to take a bite of this apple means you will lose your Eden!

If she keeps on about this, and if you feel you really can’t resist, the only way to play the game is to include your girlfriend in a hot ménage à trios, then watch and listen carefully for her clues as to what you can or cannot do with her pal. No matter what happens, make sure that at the end of the threesome, you tell your girlfriend that she is much, much hotter than her BFF.

The Downs side: I agree, it sounds like a backhanded invitation. I’m guessing that you may have let on too much about how hot you think this BFF is, and your girlfriend is testing you. Of course, it’s also possible that your girlfriend wants an open relationship and doesn’t know how to talk about it with you in those terms. She may be offering her friend to you as an excuse to fuck one of your friends without feeling guilty—a tit for a tat.

What’s missing is the BFF. What does she have to say? Has your girlfriend talked to her about this? How do you know the BFF wants to fuck you, anyhow?

The only thing for you to do is to tell your girlfriend that you might be open to it, but that the three of you would need to sit down together and discuss it face-to-face. If she sincerely wants to share you with her best friend, she should be willing to have that conversation. If she isn’t, then you’ll know she is up to shenanigans. In that case, don’t be shy about calling her out. Whatever her deal is, you’re sure to find out eventually. My advice is, better sooner than later.

Masturbate in the Day, Last Longer at Night?

Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is—and should be—good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed.
By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.

I don’t suffer from premature ejaculation, but I’ve found that if I masturbate during the day, I last longer at night. Is there anything to this?

The Downs side: Sure there is. The hornier you are, the quicker you come. If you rub out one or two during the day, you won’t be so hot and bothered later. That’s basically it.

We tend to imagine the female orgasm as a shy unicorn and the male orgasm as a jack-in-the-box—turn the crank, and pop goes the weasel. But it’s not all mechanical. Your biggest sex organ is, as the saying goes, between your ears. If you don’t believe it, pick up a copy of Technical Analysis of the Financial Markets: A Comprehensive Guide to Trading Methods and Applications, and try jerking off to Figure 10.6, “A histogram measuring the difference between the 10- and 50-day averages.”

By the same token, you can literally cream your jeans from excitement. If you’ve never felt a sexual thrill powerful enough to make you ejaculate spontaneously, without anyone or anything touching your dick, I hope someday you’ll get to.

The Pet doctor: Most guys report lasting longer after a session of self-pleasuring, and many resort to that trick. Don’t you remember the scene in There’s Something About Mary? (more…)

Playing Master and Servant

Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is—and should be—good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed.
By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.

I’ve just started a sexual relationship with this guy I’ve known for several months. The sex is really, really good, but at heart I’m a submissive. How can I get him to take a more dominant role in bed?

The Pet doctor: I am a big fan of direct communication. Tell him your favorite positions are missionary with his body crushing yours to the bed, or doggie with a bit of hair-pulling and ass-spanking. Give him effusive praise and lots of kisses when he takes charge. Next, you can initiate role-playing by giving him a sexy striptease before kneeling nude at his feet with a sweet “I am your sex slave, use me any way you wish!”

If you want him to go further, give him a peek into your fantasies—like the one where the handsome pirate ties you to the bed and alternately teases and fucks you until you’re begging him to take you all the way. (more…)

I Love Rimming

Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is—and should be—good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed.
By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.

I’m basically a butt man. What I really love is rimming, but I’ve found that not all women are comfortable with this form of anal play. I always suggest a shower first, and I’m not trying to ream them, so why are most women so reluctant to let me do this?

The Downs side: Quite simply, many people think the anus is filthy, and they’re revolted by the thought of licking it. Some have such strong feelings of disgust about the anus that getting rimmed is as much a turnoff as the idea of rimming someone else.

Since you’re talking about women, plural, I’ll assume that these are casual encounters. Consider that you’re asking to get intimate with what a woman might view as the most unlovely part of her body. She might be embarrassed about exposing her pooper to a new partner. And if she’s inexperienced with anal play, she might worry about how her butt smells, or that she’ll accidentally fart in your face.

What’s more, she might not trust you. How does she know that you won’t go from eating her ass to eating her pussy, or if you’ll kiss her on her mouth fresh from Frenching her butthole?

There’s reason for concern. Going from rimming to cunnilingus could give her a vaginal or urinary tract infection by spreading intestinal bacteria, namely E. coli. She probably wouldn’t get sick from a kiss tinged with her own butt germs, but if she’s grossed out by assholes in general, it might still make her retch.

Digestive diseases should concern you, the promiscuous buttlicker. Even if she showers first, the delectable folds of her anus can harbor various intestinal parasites and bacteria that can give you gastroenteritis—also known as the stomach flu, food poisoning, or traveler’s diarrhea. You could pick up viruses like hepatitis A, human papillomavirus (HPV), and herpes from unprotected rimming as well.

To protect yourself, you might try using a sheet of plastic wrap or a cut-open latex condom as a barrier. Spread some lube on the anus, stretch the sheet over it, and do your thing.

If the health risks are unacceptable to you, and yet you can’t live without bareback ass-licking, you might want to consider settling down. Monogamous couples that have been together for a long time don’t have as much to worry about, since they tend to be populated by the same intestinal bugs. Nevertheless, if one has recently suffered a bout of raging diarrhea, both partners would be wise to keep their mouths above the belt for a while.

The Pet doctor: You’re right in thinking that many women are not comfortable with oral-anal sex play. After all, the anus is an exit hole, and stuff that exits out of it ain’t pretty. Moreover, the stuff is laden with bacteria, which can wreak havoc if it gets in the stomach (E. coli, anyone?). And no matter how well you wash, there’s always a possibility of some leftover brown matter in the crevices, or of some escaping during an inopportune fart. In addition, some women may have bothersome anal cracks or hemorrhoids—or just don’t feel like shaving their butt hole. Besides, I don’t think most women find rimming as pleasurable as cunnilingus, and would prefer that you put your tongue to use on their clits. I personally don’t mind rimming—but don’t ask me to reciprocate, and don’t kiss me afterward unless you brush your teeth and rinse with mouthwash! That said, I am a firm believer that there is a lid for every pot—and there have to be quite a few women out there who love being rimmed. Seek and ye shall find.

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