Category: "Toys"

Night Wares

Gear up for All Hallow’s Eve with these tricky tech treats.
By Crispin Boyer

Night Wares
Skullhub USB port
ThinkGeek.com • $25

This moldering resin skull looks like something out of Satan’s IT department, but there’s nothing sinister about adding four USB 2.0 ports to any PC or Mac. Dig it out of your drawer in October to boost Halloween ambience in your cubicle, or display it proudly year-round to discourage small talk with conservative coworkers. The brainpan has been scooped clean for storing pens, paper clips, guitar picks, or any evil office knickknacks. Just don’t expect it to charge USB-compatible tools of ritual sacrifice; the ports are unpowered.
Night Wares
G’zOne Commando
Casio • $200 with a two-year Verizon contract

This is the spunkiest Android phone in the wild, and built to survive any horror-movie situation short of chain-saw attack. Its sturdy immersion-proof casing passes mili tary muster for impacts, vibration, altitude, temperature extremes, and salty sea fog. Eight outdoor modes—including a GPS navigator, tide monitor, and personal trainer—keep you alive longer when the wilderness gets too wild. Despite its ostenta tious name and functionality as a Wi-Fi hot spot, it’s really more of an office work horse. Hefty security features deter corpo rate espio nage, making it ideal for down loading sensitive building plans in a construction environment. And if a coworker goes postal, you can always use the case as a shield.
Night Wares
Kaligraffiti pen
Retro 51 • $30

This is an office manager’s worst nightmare. The Kaligraffiti pen looks like a mini spray-paint can poised to tag break-room soda machines and expenses paperwork. Admittedly, it’s more trick than treat. Pressing the nozzle top doesn’t actually unleash a spurt of ink; it simply extends the pen’s ballpoint (available in blue, green, or red) when you’re ready to write. Still, the Easy Flow ink cartridge delivers the smooth-scribbling performance common to all Retro 51 pens. Brandish it like Banksy and send your coworkers scrambling for paint remover.
Night Wares
Series 5 Chromebook
Samsung • $429 for Wi-Fi; $499 for Verizon 3G model

This is a new breed of laptop designed to become one with the web, powered by Google’s net-integrated operating system, Chrome. It boots up in less than eight seconds and connects online instantly. All the apps, user set tings, documents, photos, etc., live in the cloud, so if you misplace your Chromebook, you can simply log on to a new machine to duplicate your desktop, files, and programs. The streamlined operating system lacks the drudgery of Windows machines (updates happen invisibly), and the 12.1-inch screen is more than vivid enough for movies and the millions of web apps.
Night Wares
Slasher hoodie
Electric Zombie • $45

This clothing line riffs on pop-culture horror flicks to give a nostalgic spin on our favorite childhood nightmares. No product embodies—and dismembers—that no-guts, no-glory philosophy like the Slasher hoodie, a grungy pullover ripped from the closet of a hipster Freddy Krueger. This crimson-splattered sweatshirt, which is sewn to a skinny fit from striped ring-spun fabric, is loaded with horrific little touches, including a hood liner patterned after third degree burns. Don the Slasher on Halloween for a laugh, but please leave the mad cackling to Robert Englund.
Lethal Pro v2 universal mount
Lethal Pro • $129

It might seem like a nightmare marriage of hideous form with humdrum function, but there’s a reason this gadget mount resembles a cybernetic face hugger: It stays stuck no matter where you stick it. Just lock your device of choice to the adjustable carbon-fiber holder, then extend the mount’s spidery legs for hands-free stabilization on any surface. Wedge your camera into tree branches, mount a navigation system to your four-wheeler, or give your iPad the sexiest seat in the coffeehouse. The aircraft-aluminum frame is just eight ounces, but it’s sturdy enough to support 22 pounds.
Night Wares
Last Laugh watch
Mr. Jones • $199

Times are grim with this skull-face wristwatch from arty London watchmaker Mr. Jones, codesigned by a British comedian to “remind us that life is brief.” Nevertheless, it puts on a serious face. Hours and minutes tick by on the skull’s teeth rather than via conventional hands, while the mirrored eyes and nose give off ghostly reflections. The stainless-steel case is waterproof to 160 feet and sturdily built, so you won’t have to worry about the watch dying before its time.

Shiny Objects

Entertain yourself with tools and toys you never knew you needed.
By Crispin Boyer

Shiny Objects samsung 9 series
9 Series laptop
Samsung • Starting at $1,600

Apple’s MacBook Air no longer holds a monopoly on svelte and sexy. The 13-inch 9 Series is nearly the same weight (2.9 pounds) and wafer thinness, while its black “duralumin” alloy chassis looks like something a stealth fighter pilot would yank out of his cockpit. The 9 Series’ guts are glorious. Its second-generation Core i5 processor can turbo boost to 2.3 gigahertz, and the integrated graphics chip is punchy enough for high-end gaming and video-processing applications. The dazzling and sharp screen is easily viewable from any angle. Despite its muscle, the 9 Series lasts more than six hours on a single charge. That’s slightly less staying power than a MacBook Air, but it’ll still give you plenty of time to catch Apple fanatics coveting your Windows 7 powerhouse.
Shiny Objects sprint mifi
Sprint MiFi 3G/4G mobile hot spot
Novatel Wireless • $50 plus two-year Sprint contract

Switch on this credit-card-size Wi-Fi hot spot in the park or coffee shop, become a walking internet-service provider, and see how many laptop-toting cuties introduce themselves. Its simple one-touch, software-free interface lets you connect up to five Wi-Fi-enabled devices—including Windows and Mac laptops, Kindles, and gaming systems—anywhere in Sprint’s coverage area. Download speeds top out at a zippy ten megabytes per second on the 4G network, and about a third that at 3G-data rates. The battery provides four hours of service per charge.
Shiny Objects sony bloggie
3-D Bloggie video camera
Sony • $250

Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian both have impressive bodies of work in the sextape genre, but imagine the eye-popping performances they could have captured with Sony’s 3-D Bloggie cam. The Bloggie, which is about the size of a pack of smokes, has dual lenses that record up to two hours of high-definition 3-D video (or 3-D snapshots), viewable on any 3-D-capable television. Better still, the built-in 2.4-inch touch screen displays 3-D footage without the need for special glasses. It’s able to record up to eight hours of 2-D high-def video, and packs features like face detection and a low-light mode, making it more than a 3-D novelty act.
Shiny Objects lexar echo zx
Echo ZX backup drive
Lexar • $100

In a few years, we’ll look back at this thumbnail-size USB drive and giggle at its outlandish girth and mere 32 gigabytes of storage, but for now this itty-bitty backup solution delivers ample space, fast access speed, and a no-fuss interface. Just plug the little flash drive into your PC or Mac, specify which files and folders you want backed up, and quit worrying about losing data. The Echo drive continuously and automatically backs up your documents, so you’ll always have the latest version available in the event of a crash. The built-in encryption system means no one will discover your dirty secrets if you accidentally discard the drive with your pocket lint.
Shiny Objects motorola atrix
Atrix 4G smartphone
Motorola • $200 plus two-year AT&T contract

Motorola is billing it as the world’s most powerful smartphone—exactly the type of hype that buries the needle on our bullshit meter. But in this case, there’s truth in the advertising. This sleek phone that’s powered by a one-gigahertz dual-core processor with one gigabyte of RAM rivals a midrange laptop in power and performance. In fact, a $500 laptop dock turns the Atrix into a full-fledged notebook. But with a CPU built specifically to load Flash-based websites faster than other phones—plus enough horsepower to run console-worthy 3-D games—the Atrix doesn’t need any accoutrements to live up to its hype. Let’s just hope AT&T’s 4G network can live up to the phone’s potential.
Shiny Objects belkin insight
Conserve Insight energy monitor
Belkin • $30

“Knowledge is power,” a wise man once said. The opposite is true with this. Just insert the pass-through plug into any outlet and connect it to anything from home-theater components to major appliances. The digital readout shows how many gigawatts your gadgets are gulping and their cost of operation broken down by month and year. See how much you really pay to play Modern Warfare 2. Tweak your fridge’s temperature settings to save serious lettuce. Learn what that empty phone charger on your desk is costing you. The money you save will pay for this gizmo in no time.
Shiny Objects rockus 3 D
Rockus 3-D speaker system
Soundscience • $250

The Rockus delivers full-range sound and a hearty home-theater experience in a compact two-speaker (plus subwoofer) package that won’t invite retribution from the neighbors. It converts a stereo signal into a surprisingly convincing 3-D soundscape for movies and games. A dedicated music mode faithfully reproduces crisp highs, deep lows, and everything in between. If you do want to rattle the rafters, the aluminum enclosures can handle max volume without vibration-induced distortion. A variety of optical and analog inputs makes it easy to rock the Rockus with gaming systems, Blu-ray players, or PCs.

Power-Ups

Upgrade your life with these seven shiny objects.
By Crispin Boyer

Kitara Digital Guitar
Kitara digital guitar
Misa Digital Instruments • $849

It may look like one of those plastic peripherals for Guitar Hero, but it’s a serious instrument made of heavy-duty plastic and intended for hard-core musicians and newbie Claptons alike. Instead of strings, it’s built around an eight inch touch display that you play by strumming digital chords. The neck’s 24 frets feature smooth buttons that are much easier on your fingertips than conventional ones. A built-in digital synthesizer offers more than 100 sounds that you can assign to individual strings, or you can switch the screen mode to tweak distortion and delay effects. And while the Kitara might look like a toy, it’s guaranteed to get you more groupies than a keytar.
Engage Keyboard
Engage Keyboard
Smartfish • $150

Working on a PC all day isn’t exactly the manliest job, and ending up with a limp wrist from typing that interferes with your ability to fully enjoy this magazine adds insult to repetitive-stress injury. The doctor designed Engage Keyboard helps prevent wrecked wrists by analyzing your typing frequency and subtly shifting in width and elevation according to which keys you peck the most. These slight movements—powered entirely by your PC’s USB port—promote circulation in your hands and wrists to keep them from locking into hideous claws. The subtle motions make for more comfortable typing, too.
SP-PK51FS
SP-PK51FS 5.1 speakers
Pioneer • $519

Most high-end home-theater speakers cost at least a few grand. Fortunately, electronics giant Pioneer had Andrew Jones, the Big Kahuna of its audio engineers, invent a more recession-friendly setup. This five-speaker (plus subwoofer) package utilizes cabinet designs and components common to more expensive systems. The frequency-bonded casings and multicomponent crossovers make for outstanding sound reproduction, particularly when it comes to the subtleties of movie dialogue in the center channel. Pair the speakers with Pioneer’s VSX-1020-K receiver for a system that will outperform any comparatively priced home theater in a box. (more…)

Helpful Hardware

Get the most out of your gadgets with products that undo the snafus of today’s high-tech gear.
By Crispin Boyer

Dell Ispiron Duo
Inspiron Duo
Dell • $550

Notebooks are perfect for work. Tablets are made for play. Both worlds collide with this novel Windows 7 laptop. It quick-changes into a tablet with a 10.1-inch high-definition touch screen for watching movies, reading e-books, and mucking about online. Unlike the iPad, it supports Flash-based browsing and comes with a webcam. It weighs twice as much as Apple’s tablet, however, which turns e-reading into a real forearm workout. The Duo’s weight and sluggish interface hold it back from being a jack-of-all-trades, but it’s a happy middle ground.
Bottoms Up bottle-opening watch
Bottoms Up bottle-opening watch
Happy Hour • $100

You’ll never find yourself unprepared for beer o’clock with this watch, which boldly marks the beginning of happy hour on its face and comes with a bottle opener built into its band. The opener cracks off bottle caps with a flick of your wrist, with no need to unstrap the watch first. It’s stylish enough for all casual occasions (except AA meetings), snaps into a calf-leather strap, and features a cool gradient face. More important, its stainless steel case is water-resistant to 130 feet, useful in the likely event you break open a gusher. (more…)

Eva Angelina Fleshlight

Did you know Penthouse TV Canada’s Featured Pet of the Month Eva Angelina has her very own FleshLight?

Feel every one of Eva’s intimate folds and curves with her signature Fleshlight, created from her actual body casting and cradled in an exclusive pearlescent case.

Designed to provide the most realistic vaginal intercourse sensation ever created, the Lotus texture begins with a smooth ultra tight entry that quickly blossoms to a slightly more comfortable canal. Further adding to the complex fantasy is the inverted entry and four pleasure chambers, making this a texture unmatched in realism and sensation.

- Exact replica of Eva Angelina’s anatomy
- Safe, non-toxic and phthalate-free
- Easy to clean and store
- Patented Superskin is soft, flexible and durable

Need more info? Visit www.fleshlight.com